Freedom
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When I started to listen, I stepped into the healing journey of my life
Disconnection I went into a burnout episode recently. Although I thought that I had all the tools to prevent this, I was sad and depressed and didn’t know what to do and why it has happened to me again. Why did I fall off the bandwagon and get into the mode of running through my life feeling disconnected from myself, feeling lost as if all the joy in my life has abandoned me? I was so disconnected from how I want to feel, from how I dream my life could be. I missed the feeling of aliveness, when you explore new things or go on little trips and adventures, the…
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I start to choose anew
My body and mental health are showing me the signs: I’m in burnout mode I feel exhausted, tired, depressed. I can’t sleep in the night because I worry too much about my future. I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning, things and activities that normally bring me joy leave me sad, everything seems to be grey although the spring season paints a colourful picture. I feel disconnected and I fear what the next days might bring: I’m afraid of my job. I’m afraid that I get ill again. I’m afraid of losing my joy and the connection to my heart and soul. I’m afraid of losing…
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What are you passionate about?
What you are passionate about can reveal so much more of who you really are than any education you went through, any job title or your past.We are used to put people into boxes because of their work, income, status or networks they are in. Asking someone what she or he is doing for a living only scratches the surface. Maybe they do this job because they can’t see another way or it’s the least inconvenient option.Maybe they chose this work because it seemed to be a dream job once and now became a trap, a hamster wheel they chose over freedom, a choice out of fear.Maybe they have sold…
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Fears have stolen my voice
I’m starring at the blank page, frozen and can’t write a single word. Since the war began in the Ukraine all my words seem to be locked, imprisoned, in a state of fear. Fears have invaded my mind and heart and opened the chest of memories I thought I had buried a long time ago. I thought I had replaced these memories with a whole treasure trove full of hope, joy, connection, compassion, strength and freedom but now it seems to be hidden, protected with a powerful lock where the key is missing. Instead the ghosts of fears are all over the place. The fear of death, of losing loved ones and…
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Four seasons to a dream
It was a cold January winter day when I stood on the platform at Cap Gris Nez and tried to look for the other side of the Channel. The blue amazed me, this icy, blue sky was merging with the blue water. There were no white cliffs I could witness on the horizon, only my thoughts if I will ever swim there and end up where I was standing right now. A dream went out over the Channel, my birthday wish. It was spring when we got into lockdown and I had to stop my training, but I never gave up on my dream. I drove in my car to…
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Stepping Stones
Stepping stones Stepping stones are guiding you to walk with a courageous heart. A heart that opens the door to a new world, that can climb over every obstacle in the way. Stepping stones are guiding you over every current, so that you can reach the other shore. A shore that seems so far away. Stepping stones are guiding you into the waves of adventures, waves of the aliveness of the heart. A heart that wants you to live your bold freedom. Stepping stones are guiding you into clarity. A clarity that occurs when the storms and mud have settled. Walk confidently, step by step, watch and listen to the…
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Freedom is waiting on the other shore
In the elements of the ocean 🌊🏊🏻♀️🌊 22. September 2020 I started my swim at 01.55 at Samphire Hoe, with shaky knees and a pitch black night and sea waiting for me.Before I got into the water I felt cold and was scared about what was lying ahead of me.As soon as I entered the water this feeling of being cold went away, the water felt warm and I only had to swim 50m to the shore, getting out of the water, feeling the pebbles under my feet.When I heard the sound of the boat’s horn I jumped into the dark water and took off to swim the Channel. There…
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The umbilical cord of the past
The umbilical cord of the past I had a chat with a friend yesterday and it turned out to become this kind of conversation with full of gold nuggets, with openness and support to find clarity, courage and to reveal the heart’s truth.I know that he wouldn’t want me to use the word ‚truth‘, because what is ‚truth‘ anyway,my ‚truth‘ can be completely different from your ‚truth‘. Is it more a kind of heart’s wisdom, the authentic self ( authenticity, also an inflationary used word) or the wisdom and knowledge of the soul?How can you describe when you recognize that the heart ‚knows‘, that you are guided by this wisdom?…
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Dolphin Days
Today starts my favorite month of the year: September. September is my ocean month because I normally spend time by the ocean.I love that there are still warm and sunny days but the heat of summer is gone and the fresh air and autumn colors are on the horizon.September has a stillness and inner peace and it reminds me of healing and freedom. 5 years ago I started my medication free life after being under treatment for 6 years.Although the chances were so small I’m still in complete remission. That was the September of healing. In that year I also surfed my first green wave, memories that still fill my…
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An invitation to reconnect
I was there before, it is just a thought that you need to go on holiday. This thought of a time off that will make things better, that this will be the solution to the exhaustion, to the tension, numbness and sadness you feel. Yes, it’s true, slowing down and getting away from your routines from time to time are necessary to recharge your energy, to get more joy and flow into your life.But this debilitating weariness and foggy sadness are signs. My body wants me to know that I’m navigating into the wrong direction. My heart wants me to know that I’m in a self-induced prison, far away from…