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Making the unbearable bearable
One of my coping mechanism to deal with trauma is the need to make sense of situations, of experiences that have no sensible reason why they happened. What is the mental response to a traumatic event? For me it was and I still catch myself of doing it sometimes: Overthinking. I desperately tried to find a sense and meaning in these events.When you do this from early childhood on, you might program your brain to think illogical thoughts, you create limiting believes for yourself.I’ll give you an example: When a child experienced disconnection and that emotional needs aren’t met, the child can come to the conclusion that she or he…
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Afterglow
Afterglow I’m sitting here, staring out of the window andI’m dreaming of the afterglow in the evening. I’m listening to the sound of my racing thoughts like cars in the street and I’m dreaming of leaving, for the afterglow in the evening. I’m watching the time goes by, feeling stuck in life without meaning and I’m dreaming of the ocean’s freedom, the afterglow in the evening. Where is the wide horizon that glows in the evening, with the waves rolling onto the shore that let me dream of leaving, for the afterglow in the evening? Where is the sound of the ocean, where the seagulls that fly into this afterglow…
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The young girl and the sea
When did the ocean first connect with me? I was a child that felt very lonely and lost, disconnected and not belonging, not to a family ora group of friends, actually it felt as if I wasn’t wanted, like a burden.I grew up with my mom who got divorced from my dad when I was 3 years old. My mom suffered from severe depression and there were always worries about howto get enough money for our daily life. I tended to dream myself out of my situation. I dreamed of adventures, of being brave, of exploring new places.I loved books so much and especially those about bold adventurers, about pirates,…
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Waves
Waves Huge waves that keep my heart frozen, paralyzed, that drown me in my fears.Waves that shake me up, wake me up from a nightmare. Waves that bring me back into the here and now, into my life.What if the cold and darkness is only an illusion?What if the waves get me back to the surface, into the light, into a life of joy?What if there is this wave, only waiting for me, a wave, my wave that is meant to be,waiting for my courage?What if there is a wave only I can surf with all my heart, with all my being? What if there is no fear, only waves…
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To the lighthouse
To the lighthouse To the lighthouse I go,when the clouds seem to fall from the sky,when I can’t see the light,when there was nowhere to go.I can only hear the sound of the waves,I walk in a rain of tears, further and further,in a turmoil of thoughts.Where is a sign that parts the clouds, illuminates the sky, protects my heart?To the lighthouse I go,when the storms let me fall,when the waves crush against my heart.I can feel the solid rock in the waves,the helping hand, the light of hope.Suddenly I see a flash of light,aiming through the sky, aiming for my heart. A light that grows stronger and stronger, drying…
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I decide
I decide I decide that my dreams are meant for me,that I can live them. I decide to create, to inspire, to support like the ocean does for me. I decide to let my worries flow and that I am abundant,an abundant ocean of love. I decide to live and to be like the ocean,full of joy and freedom. I decide that this life is already here and that I only have to decide toreceive it.
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Perfectionism is a trauma response
In my imagination was always the picture of the loving family, of parents who love you just the way you are, who support you when you fall, who see and connect to you, who make an effort to understand you, who give you the feeling of belonging.It was only an idealistic picture, non of this was true but it was with me for such a long time.Even in my twenties I couldn’t accept that I was raised in a climate of disconnection, depression, loneliness, stress, pressure and emotional coldness. Perfectionism was my escape, the illusion to get this feeling of warmth, love, connection, compassion and belonging when I do everything…
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Nothing to loose
„There is a life and there is a death, and there are beauty and melancholy between. -Albert Camus – Nothing to loose When you dance with the joy of the waves, there is nothing to loose.When you embrace the solace of the ocean, there is nothing to loose.When you experience the beauty of everything that surrounds you, there isnothing to loose.When you give your tears, tears of joy and sorrow to the salty water, let it merge… there is nothing to loose.There is beauty in all your being, in all your feelings.There is beauty in all your experiences, in all loss, in all success.Be like the ocean, live in your…
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The home of the soul
„Home is what you take with you, not what you leave behind.“ – N.K. Jemisin – Dear little inner child, it is safe to leave those people behind who never understood you, who didn’t care for you because you will meet real friends, experience real connections by the ocean. It is safe to leave those places behind where you felt you don’t belong, where you felt prisoned and stuck because you will find a place of freedom and connection by the ocean. It is safe to leave those fears and doubts about not being enough behind because you will learn to set sails, to navigate through storms, to surf the…
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The ocean will set you free
„Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.“ – Jim Morrison – When fear of regrets is your biggest fear and you know how real this fear can be, because you have looked death into the eyes, what is there to be afraid of? When you know how fast your life can end, unfulfilled dreams sinking with you to the ground of the ocean, what will stay, what will you leave on the shore? When you have dived to the depths of your fears, only to see that they are old baggage sunken with the…
