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Freedom is waiting on the other shore
In the elements of the ocean ššš»āāļøš 22. September 2020 I started my swim at 01.55 at Samphire Hoe, with shaky knees and a pitch black night and sea waiting for me.Before I got into the water I felt cold and was scared about what was lying ahead of me.As soon as I entered the water this feeling of being cold went away, the water felt warm and I only had to swim 50m to the shore, getting out of the water, feeling the pebbles under my feet.When I heard the sound of the boatās horn I jumped into the dark water and took off to swim the Channel. There…
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The umbilical cord of the past
The umbilical cord of the past I had a chat with a friend yesterday and it turned out to become this kind of conversation with full of gold nuggets, with openness and support to find clarity, courage and to reveal the heartās truth.I know that he wouldnāt want me to use the word ātruthā, because what is ātruthā anyway,my ātruthā can be completely different from your ātruthā. Is it more a kind of heartās wisdom, the authentic self ( authenticity, also an inflationary used word) or the wisdom and knowledge of the soul?How can you describe when you recognize that the heart āknowsā, that you are guided by this wisdom?…
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Dolphin Days
Today starts my favorite month of the year: September. September is my ocean month because I normally spend time by the ocean.I love that there are still warm and sunny days but the heat of summer is gone and the fresh air and autumn colors are on the horizon.September has a stillness and inner peace and it reminds me of healing and freedom. 5 years ago I started my medication free life after being under treatment for 6 years.Although the chances were so small Iām still in complete remission. That was the September of healing. In that year I also surfed my first green wave, memories that still fill my…
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An invitation to reconnect
I was there before, it is just a thought that you need to go on holiday. This thought of a time off that will make things better, that this will be the solution to the exhaustion, to the tension, numbness and sadness you feel. Yes, itās true, slowing down and getting away from your routines from time to time are necessary to recharge your energy, to get more joy and flow into your life.But this debilitating weariness and foggy sadness are signs. My body wants me to know that Iām navigating into the wrong direction. My heart wants me to know that Iām in a self-induced prison, far away from…
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You belong
You belong Even if you feel lost, you belong.The ocean is waiting to embrace you with its waves.Even if you feel alone, you belong.The ocean takes you in its comfort.Even if you donāt know where to go, you belong.The ocean will make you feel coming home.Even if you feel weak and discouraged, you belong.The ocean will help you to become stronger.Even if you feel scared and full of doubts, you belong.The ocean will carry you to new horizons.Even if you feel not enough, you belong.The ocean will connect you to your heart.Even if you feel not loved, you belong.The ocean will reflect all the love within your beautiful soul. Even…
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Making the unbearable bearable
One of my coping mechanism to deal with trauma is the need to make sense of situations, of experiences that have no sensible reason why they happened. What is the mental response to a traumatic event? For me it was and I still catch myself of doing it sometimes: Overthinking. I desperately tried to find a sense and meaning in these events.When you do this from early childhood on, you might program your brain to think illogical thoughts, you create limiting believes for yourself.Iāll give you an example: When a child experienced disconnection and that emotional needs arenāt met, the child can come to the conclusion that she or he…
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Afterglow
Afterglow Iām sitting here, staring out of the window andIām dreaming of the afterglow in the evening. Iām listening to the sound of my racing thoughts like cars in the street and Iām dreaming of leaving, for the afterglow in the evening. Iām watching the time goes by, feeling stuck in life without meaning and Iām dreaming of the oceanās freedom, the afterglow in the evening. Where is the wide horizon that glows in the evening, with the waves rolling onto the shore that let me dream of leaving, for the afterglow in the evening? Where is the sound of the ocean, where the seagulls that fly into this afterglow…
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The young girl and the sea
When did the ocean first connect with me? I was a child that felt very lonely and lost, disconnected and not belonging, not to a family ora group of friends, actually it felt as if I wasnāt wanted, like a burden.I grew up with my mom who got divorced from my dad when I was 3 years old. My mom suffered from severe depression and there were always worries about howto get enough money for our daily life. I tended to dream myself out of my situation. I dreamed of adventures, of being brave, of exploring new places.I loved books so much and especially those about bold adventurers, about pirates,…
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Waves
Waves Huge waves that keep my heart frozen, paralyzed, that drown me in my fears.Waves that shake me up, wake me up from a nightmare. Waves that bring me back into the here and now, into my life.What if the cold and darkness is only an illusion?What if the waves get me back to the surface, into the light, into a life of joy?What if there is this wave, only waiting for me, a wave, my wave that is meant to be,waiting for my courage?What if there is a wave only I can surf with all my heart, with all my being? What if there is no fear, only waves…
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To the lighthouse
To the lighthouse To the lighthouse I go,when the clouds seem to fall from the sky,when I can’t see the light,when there was nowhere to go.I can only hear the sound of the waves,I walk in a rain of tears, further and further,in a turmoil of thoughts.Where is a sign that parts the clouds, illuminates the sky, protects my heart?To the lighthouse I go,when the storms let me fall,when the waves crush against my heart.I can feel the solid rock in the waves,the helping hand, the light of hope.Suddenly I see a flash of light,aiming through the sky, aiming for my heart. A light that grows stronger and stronger, drying…
