Making the unbearable bearable

One of my coping mechanism to deal with trauma is the need to make sense of situations, of experiences that have no sensible reason why they happened.

What is the mental response to a traumatic event?

For me it was and I still catch myself of doing it sometimes: Overthinking. I desperately tried to find a sense and meaning in these events.
When you do this from early childhood on, you might program your brain to think illogical thoughts, you create limiting believes for yourself.
I’ll give you an example:

When a child experienced disconnection and that emotional needs aren’t met, the child can come to the conclusion that she or he is not lovable, unworthy, not enough and doesn’t deserve connection and to feel seen and understood.
These false conclusions make ‚sense‘ in the eyes of the child and low self- esteem, a missing ability to connect with people, having trouble to trust and be confident in her/his way is born.
The need to make sense of situations is the need to make the unbearable bearable:
„Why don’t my parents love me?“
„Because I’m a bad person, have to many flaws, not good enough…“
„What should I do to change that?“
„I do what I’m told to do, I step back and try to not get attention, I try to be perfect, I try to be nice and don’t think further about things I love and want to do…“

A sense-making ‚thought and action spiral‘ is born and because of it, these children get a breadcrumb of connection, when they behave that way.
They live for these breadcrumbs, all this makes sense now to them, and they loose their identity to make it bearable, to feel loved just for a brief moment.

As an adult I find myself sometimes back to the need to make sense of everyone and everything.
It gives me an illusion of control because it makes it easier to grasp the uncertainty, the unknown, the things out of my control, the unbearable.
At least my mind makes me believe that, because it is conditioned to do so since early on.
Can you imagine how the ocean helps me to heal this?

The ocean is an element where nothing is in your control.
The ocean simply is and embrace everyone with its salty waves.
There is no good, no bad, no sense, no overthinking.
There is only being in the element of your true self, in the connection to
your heart’s love.
There is so much abundance, out of your control but always there for you
to grasp without the need to do something for it.
The ocean makes the unbearable bearable in a loving way.